i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
