she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
