My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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