That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
