So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
