A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
