Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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