and you said cock pushups were impossible
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
