Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize