when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am one with the molecules
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
