is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
