I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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