Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
