y did u give ur computer a hand job?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
