I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
