Sponge bath it is.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize