Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
