Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
