now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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