I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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