Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
