Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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