don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
