This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
