You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
