apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
