I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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