I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
why is there glitter IN my vagina????