im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.