i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.