Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
