And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out