You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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