What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks