im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo