I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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