I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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