flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
