I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
