i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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