Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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