Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
