Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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