it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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