im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
