is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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