He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
