You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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