I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
