i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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