Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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