Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
