Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
