its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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