I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
