I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
