The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
