I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
