those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
