2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
