If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
