Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
