I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
