I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
