i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
