His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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