btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
