I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
