this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is Oprah even human
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
