My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
