I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
