Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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