his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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