can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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