at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
