I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
