dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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