Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
