Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
