After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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