dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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