I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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