Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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