I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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