Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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